I used to design bridges for railways and for motorways too
then on site to ensure Contractor built them to spec. line and true.

Later on in head office looking out for new techniques and ideas
such as colleagues inventing road asphalt that lasts for....ahem...years!

A foreign leaflet arrived - a new design process we got excited about
it appeared to change design rules – if true, there was no doubt.

It spoke of late April meetings with French expert his ideas to explore
remember this the late seventies no computers, no discovering more.

But what's this- a quick meeting here... for that morning arranged
the Professor a coming to explain vague pictures and text strange.

T'was just along corridor in board room Four Sixty Two
St Christopher House, Transport Ministry, sad, now demolished from view.

So first day of April, Eleven Thirty Five, a few design engineers
sat wondering which way this so called La Dupe process steers.

Looking at leaflet its pictures strange and not very clear
but the complex text sounds good - listen here..........

“By modifying the reverberated span depth ratio Dupe-lexity peak
and transfering slender turnbuckle transitioning to weak...

we of course allow vast reductions in “thingy” thinking
so balancing the overwhelming effect of magic eye blinking”.

Well you must agree that makes perfect sense
for anyone with a modicum of intelligence........

so much so that even now we do hear
it has probably been used to design.... the new Hastings Pier!

Back to the meeting still awaiting the Prof.
when suddenly commotion – what's that?.... Noises off...

Its 5 minutes to Noon an announcement is made...
Oh it's me! “Apologies everyone – so sorry.... I expect your dismayed

the La Dupe process has been looked at.... it was..you realise... the tool
and no doubt about it....there is no Professor .. you've been Duped!
It's of course.......... April Fool!

Well...what can one say?.... Just time for lunch what a busy work day
but I assure you work was accomplished as well as some play

in fact us Chartered Engineers we strived hard to get Trunk Roads the best
just look at the highways from Hastings to.....mmmm....West!

Perhaps not the Link Road – single carriageway what fun....
a bit of a shame... it won't meet up with the A21!

So that's it.... what's the idea for next year's fun tool?
What? Just get busy...... you've only 12 months to April........ you fool!

© Keith Jellicoe