My wife complains I'm in the way,
I must go out and fill my day.
Hobbies are fun and frustrating for some,
Making partners unhappy and feeling quite glum.

Some like gardening and weeding and mucking about,
I tried pulling some weeds up and put my back out,
So gardening's a hobby I can well do without.
I'd rather go to the pub and enjoy a nice stout.

Fishing's a hobby they say is quite fun,
I tried it once and came home with none
But a stink on my clothes,which I threw in the tub,
And quickly got changed and went down to the pub.

At the pub I sat with my good friend Rolf.
We spoke of our pastimes and he mentioned golf.
It rang a bell in my head and I thought 'shall I do it ',
So I borrowed some gear and quickly went to it.

It wasn't as easy as we thought it might be.
I lost all my balls on the very first tee.
Frustrated and downhearted I gave back my gear,
And went to the clubhouse for a refreshing beer.

Now bowls is a game that seemed to be good,
But I couldn't bowl straight 'cause the ball - 'sorry' - wood
Had been finished lopsided and rolled with a curve,
Which put me right off, and I just lost my nerve.

I've tried swimming 'til my arms came out of their sockets,
I've played snooker but the balls seemed too big for the pockets.
I sang in the choir and was left in no doubt
It was my sort of voice they could well do without.

I've tried everything just to improve my life,
Now I think it is best to stay home with my wife.
It may make her happy and full of good cheer,
And I needn't go out now, 'cause I'll brew my own beer.

CHEERS!

© William (Bill) Sapsford