You surely heard of the Scrappage car scheme?
Well was it really just a salesperson’s dream ?
…. to throw out the old and bring in the new
with super cash handouts, but main funding from you
with Government help - yes they were in there too
boosting business to save Co2,
sadly as old bangers were squashed and soon bit the …. Rust
many tears were shed by those classic car buffs.

Soon clever others started copying the name
to replace your windows and even the frame….
and anything around that appeared quite forlorn
could be swapped by signing the appropriate form
giving marvellous discounts - plus a bit on HP !

“Worth every penny” said salesperson - with glee!
…“ got anything indoors looking decrepit and old…?
 What ?…..‘The old geyser’ (?!) running hot and then cold
with tubes a bit leaky and so slow to react
spouting strange noises and oh !…fumes….. is that a fact ?!

Or could it be ‘The old boiler(?!)’ causing trouble and strife ?
What about something younger to brighten your life ?…”

So a “well-rounded” replacement sounded exciting and fun
Perhaps an import from lands of strong shiny sun ?
Surely eco-friendly……perhaps Taiwanese?…..
But one might ask how this helped Britain’s tight squeeze?

“Never mind that, just hurry - sign ’ere and get onto the net
and soon be at home with that lovely new pet
for those wildest of dreams will quickly come true…”
Said Salesperson and Government - ( minds off defences!
……not to mention expenses!)
just for YOU!

…now just wait a minute - what’s wrong being old in the tooth?
Surely the brain has learnt more than that simpleton youth?
Our items were well built not the throwaway type
so that whole idea now seems too much of a hype.

We are not elderly newscasters sacked from BBC TV
or a senior judge side stepped from Dancing Strictly.
Yes our figure might be full and don’t look at our knees,
but we still have brains and long memories!

In fact we’re so fit we just had to mention
a coalition of ideas to work on, and on, for our little old pension

So think .. did we really need that new fangled package
latterly known as the best thing for ...yes
SCRAPPAGE !?

No?…
then from our keen sage
comes help - we wage
not to help just the few
but all concerned - old to quite new
to solve all those worries and long standing ills…

…but there’s no need to rage
or even denounce
just re-spell and heartily (watch the blood pressure!)
with gusto Pronounce

SCRAP AGE
Pardon ?

YES….SCRAP         AGE !!!
Oh dear …where are my pills…


© Keith Jellicoe (October 2010)