Now where shall I start.
Humans have some very weird habits,
Things that as a dog I would never do.
They wake me up,
If I have not woken them
And send me out to have a wee in the cold
While they go into a little warm room
To spend a penny.
They try to shut me out
But I have learnt
How to open some of their doors!
They take all their clothes off;
(Why don’t they have fur like me?)
Then go into a rain box
And splash about,
Yet they don’t like going out in the rain.
What is the difference,
I ask myself?
If they do go out in the rain
they put on extra clothes
And take them off when they come in.
Yet if I go out and get wet
They rub me down with
a rough piece of material
they call a towel.
I hate it;
I’d rather rub up against them
Or jump on the furniture
And lick myself dry.
Some times, when I have found a lovely scent
They say I am smelly
And put me in their rain box.
How I hate it.
I much prefer to use my tongue
To wash myself.
I cannot see what they find to like about it.
They cover themselves with smells
after their time in the rain box
So why can’t I
be allowed to wear my scent?

And why do they walk on two legs
Whereas I walk on four.
I’m much less likely to fall over.
They take me out for walks
I’m quite capable of taking myself out
But they say it is good for me.
I have to be on the end of a string
And go where they want.
Sometimes I find lovely sniffs
But they wont let me
investigate thoroughly,
Or at least
let me leave my calling card.
But no its ever onwards
until they get tired
and want to go home;
I could go so much further.
I try to resist but to no use.
If I don’t want to go out
They insist I go with them.
There seems to be no reason for this.
Sometimes I would rather stay at home
And play with a ball
to get my exercise.
They give me other toys,
things that squeak and need killing.
I have fun with them too.
I tend to leave them in the passage
I know then where to find them,
But they are kicked out of the way
Or worse tidied up!

Then there is another thing,
Food.
They give me
what they think I should have
But it is the same twice a day
Every day.
They have nice smelling stuff
but get cross if I ask for it
Or try to help myself.
If I am good they may
give me a little that is left over,
But they say it is not good for me.

Some things frighten me
And I get very scared.
I don’t like loud noises or sudden ones
Bangs make me shiver and try to hide.
I may get very upset
And run around
looking for somewhere safe;
they don’t seem to understand,
and shout at me which makes me worse.

They sit and stare at machines
Which sometimes talk,
But there are others that move
and make a dreadful noise.
They don’t like it
if I try to join in the fun,
They say they are cleaning
But to me it’s just a noise
that needs to be killed.

When another human
Comes to the door
I have to tell them,
If I don’t how will they know?
I like to think I keep them safe.

They don’t like going out after dark
So I have to do the security bit.

At bed time I am put out again.
I have a good sniff round
to make sure the place is safe
And bark to ward off intruders.

When I am sure everything is safe
I can go to bed without fear
And dream of a lovely juicy bone,
I wish!

© Felicity Bullock